TMST enthusiastically presents...

December the 22nd, 2002.

King Sluggy's Film Review: "Bond Trailer" - By Mike & Pete Bridger.

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HISTORICAL INTRO (Note - This is long, boring, unnecessary, and mostly a load of bollocks):
With the recent release of a new James Bond film, and a filmographical history spanning half a century, the style and genre of Bond has not only undergone many changes over the decades, but has also played a key role in defining cinema during this time. In more recent years, some filmmakers have taken a post-modern approach to the Bond genre, creating parodies and pastiches of - and tributes to - Bond, spawning such popular movies as the cult Austin Powers trilogy, "Shane Bend" in the obscure reference-laden To Only Die Twice Is Never Enough and, of course, the laughable Bond parody that actually starred Bond himself: The World Is Not Enough.

However, of all the merchandise and advertising that has spun off from the Bond phenomenon over the years, some of the greatest forgotten treasures are the movie trailers. Since the very beginning, these trailers would provide Bond fans with their first taste of the upcoming Bond movie. Yet of course, once the actual movie came out, these trailers - inferior works by definition - would sink into obscurity, never to be seen again.
Until The World Is Not Enough became the exception to the rule.

The trailer for The World Is Not Enough was actually accepted by most fans and critics as being better than the movie itself. In this case, the movie vanished into obscurity, while its trailer took pride of place in collectors' Bond libraries. When audio-visual media enthusiasts realised that a trailer could outdo the movie from which it was created, they began making their own trailers for not just Bond movies, but for all their favourite - and not-so-favourite - films. This craze eventually lead to the creation of trailers for movies that didn't even exist.

One such hypothetical movie was a figment of the fertile imagination of a young British filmmaker named Mike "Xeryus" Bridger. Recruiting martial arts B-movie star Peter "Maverick" Bridger (who is also Mike's older brother), the duo began work on this new project, titled simply "Bond Trailer".

"BOND TRAILER" reviewed:
Combining the suggestion of a fast-paced storyline filled with physical and emotional challenges for agent 007 with great lines and stunts galore, Bond Trailer captures the essence of the genre with a certain class not seen since the trailers for the likes of Total Recall and Predator. Mike's directorial expertise almost instantaneously establishes one important fact as soon as Bond Trailer begins: Bond is back. This is achieved by a series of stunning cinematic effects, beginning with the repetition of the word "Bond", and followed by more riveting sequences involving emphasis on the words "IS" and "BACK". Surely this subtle way of ramming the message down the audience's throat will define the subgenre for years to come.

The technical ability of the cast and crew in this trailer shows quite plainly, as their puppeteering skills provide much of the special effects. The battle scenes with Pete's villainous "Hockey-Stick Henchman" are a treat, thanks to his prolific martial arts B-movie background. Bond himself is played by Mike, who is reported to have stated: "My character is a suave, manly, handsome, debonair lady's man who is just too cool for anyone else to compete with. Obviously, I have been typecast in this role." A rather clever addition of talent to the trailer was Mike's plan to recruit an actress for "Sexy Female Voice", without her realising that her voice was being used in the trailer at all. This was an ingenious piece of directorship, since nobody wanted to play the part of the love interest in the trailer. Rumour has it that Michael Jackson was initially cast for the role of Sexy Female Voice, but he quit the project after being gored by Strife Films' official mascot (a ferocious bear) in their recording studio.

However, Pete's success in pulling off the "Punchy-Hand Hitler" persona has been somewhat limited, as the martial arts actor stuggles to come to grips with the bionic punchy-hand. But one cannot overlook the supreme classiness of the overall trailer simply because of this one technicality, or any of the other technicalities that arise throughout. For an independent film company, Strife Films has made an extremely good job of Bond Trailer; the fact that they do not possess sufficient funds to bring Hitler back from cryogenic hibernation in a secret underground bunker in Berlin to star in their film as Hollywood did last year when they made Adolf Hitler Uberstar does not affect the general impact of the trailer in the slightest. (If anything, Pete looks even more menacing than the Fuhrer himself, at times!)

I rate this movie a shaken-not-stirred 006 out of 007. I recommend seeing this if you are a fan of Bond movies, movie trailers, or Arnold Schwartzenegger, and I suspect that Strife Films may even make a trailer for Bond Trailer, titled "Bond Trailer" Trailer in the coming year. It might even be longer than Bond Trailer. Coming soon, to a website near you.

Download BOND TRAILER now by clicking here!
Click to download.
The name's Bond, James Bond. It's not my name, but it's the name.

-King Sluggy (AKA "Too Much Spare Time", in non-Keen related environments.)

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